Thoroughly Modern Libblykat!

We men, when we are young, we say things. Do we lie? Do we mislead? Are we plotting to conceal our intentions? We do not even have intentions. We have only our bundle of confused desire.
A young man speaking to the object of his desire will say anything. He is seeking release and comfort; he is seeking status and admiration; he is seeking reflection and refuge. It is not as though he is plotting consciously. He may think he wants to marry. He may think he wants to stay single. He does not know himself. He does not know what it is like to be hurt so grievously that you can’t see straight for months and walk into things and can’t remember to eat. He sees you and likes what he sees and thinks about what it would be like to be with you all the time, but he does not know.
It is just our condition. We cannot be better than we are.
But eventually something happens, and we tire of being confused and uncertain, and nothing we have done has made the future any clearer, so we leap into the water.
Here is something of how it happened for me. I met my wife and I said, I’m willing. I am willing to go all in. I can take care of myself and am not pleading for rescue, or promising rescue, but we can go into this together and protect each other from what torments us; at least we can try. That was pretty much it: Here are my chips. I’m all in.
It was a risk. Of course it was a risk. It is always a risk. You choose from available people. You say OK, enough time has elapsed, enough crying, enough pain, enough chasing: Let’s do this.
And then it’s pretty much a simple yes or no.